My metaphorical tail between my legs...

I'm writing this a little ashamed, but in an odd way honored. I knew from the beginning that keeping up with a blog would be hard, but I committed to it, at least in my head, and intended to write on a regular, if not daily, basis. It was only for a month, and I couldn't do it, which sheds a little light on why being strict with the detox wasn't a complete success either. I stopped writing over a week ago, partly because a) I didn't have much to say, b) I didn't want to take put the effort into saying what was there (ref. previous entry "The Wall", a phenomenon that continued for almost a week), and c) I didn't think anyone was reading anyway.

But I got called out on my laziness today, disproving point c, and giving me the warm fuzzy feeling inside that I get when someone does something nice like give me a compliment or share a non-smothering physical act of affection like a high-five, or in today's case, read my thoughts enough to know when my mind goes blank. Hey. Thanks for noticing.

Points a and b kind of went hand in hand. There wasn't much new and exciting with the detox and I didn't have the energy to research anything or try to fill space with something entertaining, though not necessarily relevant. I asked if I should keep going, and had to remind myself why I wanted to do it in the first place and figure out why I wasn't satisfied yet. I wanted to push my reset button; to find a little clarity and restore some balance and peace to my life. It was interesting because at this same time I got to the part of the book that talked about the importance of emotional detox, and listed different principles to think about, like respect yourself, surround yourself with supportive people and real life changes require shifts in attitude. I started pairing each principle with Bible verses, because even though there were good points, they felt misguided and somewhat empty. The whole thing tries to offer a hope that it frankly won't ever be able to deliver. This detox and I have certainly had our differences, but I think that's the one I'm having the greatest difficulty in overlooking.

But at any rate, though it was a rough and humbling week at times, I do feel emotionally detoxified now. And that's made this whole thing worth it.

The Wall

I'm not as overwhelmingly excited about the detox as I used to be. Maybe I just liked the newness of it, and now that's worn off. Maybe I've stopped taking it as seriously as I used to, and have found enough loopholes that it's not even a detox anymore. I've snuck in (half-cup-size) sips of lattes or espresso, but all in the name of quality control of course. It's my job. I have to drink it. And sure I can have that little bite of muffin because it's just a bite, it's not like I'm eating the whole thing or anything. And hey, my friend is in town, it'd be really rude not to go get a drink. I've worked the system well. Or failed the system. Sometimes I don't feel better at all; bloated, sleepy, grumpy, foggy, cynical. But I can't tell if it's the program itself that's not delivering or if it's the toxins I keep re-introducing into my body. Are toxins even real? Have I wondered about this being a mind game yet?

I just feel like I've hit a wall the past few days. I've felt sick, and therefore felt gypped because I didn't think that should happen on a cleanse. I miss the iron immune system I used to have, and spending normal amounts of time in the bathroom, and the nights when 8 hours of sleep was enough. I miss pizza and cookie dough and guiltless cups of coffee. I guess I miss the convenience of normal life, and the idea that dinner for one doesn't have to be a 2 hour production. Oddly, being forced to take my time and plan ahead and be conscious of what I was consuming (and why) was so exciting and one of my favorite things for the first half. Today I'd rather just throw a frozen dinner in the microwave and read a book.

Beet It

Phase three of the detox focuses on the liver and gallbladder. The liver in particular is generally overworked, as it has more than 500 functions in humans. It's main job is to metabolize what you eat, regulate cholesterol and filter the toxins that enter your body. It makes sense that our modern diets that tend to be higher in fat, cholesterol and processed foods would add stress to an already stressed liver. So on with the detox.

I'm supposed to be eating a lot of carrots, beets, broccoli and leafy greens, in addition to flax, onions and garlic whenever possible. I've had very little exposure to beets so decided to do a little research. Beets are actually related to my new friend amaranth (see 3/14 post). They originated in Northern Africa and were spread by ancient Romans and conquering tribes. Beets have the highest sugar content of any vegetable, and a while ago when the British limited access to sugar cane, Napoleon called for beets to be used as the primary source of sugar. Their popularity skyrocketed shortly after.

There are the beet roots, or the dark reddish-purple bulbs that you probably think of when you hear "beet". But there are also beet greens, or the stems and leaves that are just as edible and nutritious. Either one can be eaten raw, though generally most people prefer them to be lightly cooked first.

For my first attempt at beets, I made a sauce by blending some carrots and beets, olive oil, apple cider vinegar, grapefruit juice, cayenne and ginger. Then I added it to beets, carrots, broccoli, onions and garlic and roasted them in the oven for about 45 minutes. I really like the end result, way more than I thought I would. The citrus goes well with the sweetness of beets and the spiciness of the cayenne offers a nice contrast. I find beets to be delicious and under-appreciated. I encourage you to try them.

Pill Popping

I just came across another interesting paragraph in the book. It's talking about nutritional supplements, and how taking too many can be counter-productive, as they make organs work harder to break down the pills. That makes sense to me. This is what I'm taking, though, every day:




If you look closely, you'll count 38. I've never minded swallowing pills, and thankfully don't have any kind of fear of suffocation, but I still get a little stressed out about these sometimes. Those larger dark brown gelcaps are almost an inch long. (That's big).

Smooth Sailing

Well, I'm happy to say that my digestive system has done a complete 180 in the past few days. Today alone I used the bathroom more than the previous week and a half combined, which isn't saying much, but at the same time, it says a lot about how I spent my day.

Today marks the halfway point of the detox, and I'm feeling a little melancholy that from here on out I'm closer to the end than the beginning. It's been fun, honestly. I've noticed that by being more mindful of what I eat, and putting a lot of time into preparing my meals I've been a bit more mindful of other things in life. I've been slightly more diligent and focused and spend my time a bit more wisely. I enjoy the slower pace and admit that I needed something drastic to remind me of that fact. It's kind of like when Ferris Bueller said his friend (Cameron?) was so uptight you could put a lump of coal up his ass and in a few weeks you'd get a diamond. Somehow that became me.

Wait, will an open mind let my brain fall out?

One of the reasons I wanted to do this detox was to try to understand the holistic approach to cleansing that this detox embraces. Though my initial reaction was rolling my eyes just a bit, I tried to be open-minded. But there are moments when I'm reading the book, whether they last for just a sentence or entire paragraphs, when I get annoyed. There are occasional rants against modern medicine. Some comments that make me wonder if she even believes what she's saying. Or the claim that the energy that makes acupuncture work, the energy that Einstein made famous (E=mc2) and the Holy Spirit are all actually the same thing.

These are things that make me roll my eyes again.

Unraveling?

Man, I don't know if the bread fiasco from a few days ago just threw me completely off or what, but I'd kill for a chocolate chip cookie right now. Dipped in a cappuccino. Accompanied by some Bailey's.

A is for Amaranth

Everyone always feels sorry for me when I tell them the detox is 4 weeks long, and they assume I must be so hungry and I'll have withered away to nothing before the time is done. But honestly, I eat better/more now than I normally do and it's been incredibly fun getting to experiment with new kinds of food. They've always been there, I guess I just got in a rut where all I wanted was pasta or vegetable soup flavored with basil and oregano because I know I like it and it's quick and easy. But being forced to be creative has revived my love of cooking and appreciation for what I'm eating. I've made a point to buy at least one thing I've never had every time I go shopping and figure out how to eat it and I find it so inspiring that I want to pass it on to you, Tasha, Emily and Wendy (thanks for reading!)

Installment number one features the grain Amaranth. Apparently, amaranth was popular among the Aztecs, and played an important role in human sacrifices. During these ceremonies, the Aztec women would make a kind of clay out of amaranth, honey and human blood and form it into idols which were then eaten. Neat, huh?

To learn more about amaranth, or to see the recipe I used for my initial attempt at cooking it, please click here. Overall, I liked it. As I learned later, amaranth isn't actually a grain, it's a seed, and whether that's related or not, it cooks into mush. I probably had too much water and cooked it for too long, but don't be expecting anything light and fluffy with distinct parts like rice or couscous. But don't take my word for it, go grab that apron and give it a try.

Falling off the wagon

Since I started the detox I've been amazed at how little I crave the things I'm not supposed to be eating, especially baked goods, which I normally love on a daily basis. Then today I had to make dinner for a band at work which consisted of beer bread and turkey chili. My favorite part about making beer bread has always been saving a little bit of batter and eating it plain. I don't know why. But even though there's nothing detox-friendly in the batter I thought I'd just treat myself to a little itty-bitty tiny bit. And then it's like a switch flipped in me and I instantly became some sort of crazy bread glutton and dug into the stale Guinness Gouda bread that's been sitting on our counter for the past two weeks. And then I went ahead and washed it down with some turkey chili. Once I regained control I felt so guilty and it all made me wonder if this is how eating disorders begin. I mean once you get in this frame of mind where there's a certain set of rules to follow you inevitably think about it more than you normally would. Then in the back of your mind you begin to form this negative association with certain things, in this case food, and as long as you're following the rules it's fine but as soon as you allow yourself that one little bite all hell breaks loose. I guess there's a part of me that's scared of how I'm going to handle coming off of the detox. I'm afraid I'll gorge myself on all the things I couldn't eat until I'm immobilized by all of the sugar and wine sloshing around inside and then fall into the same cycle of restriction, guilt and disappointment that's part of the reason I wanted to do the detox in the first place.

Singing Hills

Today, I feel great. So great. Today, I belong in a musical.

It's one of those things, though, where I don't know if it's the detox officially and boldly kicking in, or if I just happen to be in a good mood. I mean, detox or not, I inexplicably have good days and bad ones, so who's to say why today is what it is? I suppose if I continue along these lines for the next three weeks, it'll be easier to conclude that detox is the greatest thing ever, though I may need to be tranquilized before then. I just recently received the book that discuses the program in the mail and have only skimmed it so far, but there seems to be a lot about the interrelatedness of all of the body's systems, and it got me wondering if it's all just a placebo effect, that I just feel good because I want to feel good. But on the other hand, if that's the case, is there anything wrong with that?

The first part of the book talks about all the toxins we're exposed to every day, including simple things like what products we use to clean our houses or ourselves. I'm still holding off on the household cleaning products, secretly thankful that I almost have an excuse not to clean for the next 3 weeks. But I did go out to get natural shampoo, soap and lotion. I just tried the lotion and I can already tell I'm probably going to make a permanent switch. Not only do I smell delicious, but my skin is nice and soft and I'm not worried about my computer keys being caked with lotion grease for the next few days.

Nature Calls

Pure, undiluted cranberry juice- $5.79
Organic prunes- $1.01
Senna tea leaves- $ .80
Poop- priceless

It was kind of anti-climactic, though. I was expecting something more substantial and less like deer droppings. Maybe it's a product of a vegetarian diet. Or maybe there's still something wrong with me.

On a lighter note, I've entered into week 2, and I think my body's almost adjusted to relying on something other than caffeine and sugar to get through the day. The first 5 or 10 minutes in the morning are actually worse than they normally are; regardless of how much sleep I get, my eyes are bloodshot and feel as if they really did get shot by something, and I function at about 20% of my usual speed. But after that, I feel pretty good throughout the day, and don't get that mid-afternoon crash that cries out for a latte. The past few nights I've maintained mental clarity right up until bedtime, and thankfully have had no problem at all falling asleep. And I've noticed that I sleep well, i.e. I don't toss and turn and wake up multiple times, though as I said, I don't necessarily feel well-rested in the morning.

For Your Viewing Pleasure...

I stumbled across this educational gem while trying to figure out what's wrong with my digestive system. Enjoy!

Who does number 2 work for?

Apparently, not for this detox. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, this should explain it). My worries about the runs seem to have been in vain, as it's now day 6 and not much has happened in the realm of bowel cleansing. Did I misunderstand the intent of week one? Shouldn't I be getting rid of everything? Of anything? I'm just a little confused, and honestly a bit uncomfortable. Something's happening inside of me and has been for a few days and I'm afraid it's just building force. I guess it makes some sense, because I haven't eaten much that's really solid, like bread or cereal; maybe there's nothing in there except the rotting fruits and vegetables that have nowhere to go and nothing to do except ferment and deteriorate into nothing but gas which obviously has to go somewhere. And most of it does. (Bet you're glad you're not sharing my bed these days, eh Tasha?) But the rest is unpleasantly blowing up balloons in preparation for the party that's happening in my large intestine.

Daily Overview

I commonly get asked what the detox is, and what I can and cannot eat, etc. So here's a general overview of my daily intake, at least for the first week:

Morning-

• Drink a cup of warm water with 1/2 lemon's juice first thing in the morning
  
• Unsweetened, pure cranberry juice diluted with water, with a teaspoon of psyllium husks. I don't really understand what they are yet, but they kind of feel like little tiny grains of tapioca, and thicken the juice, almost as if drinking jello that hasn't quite set yet. I think it's essentially just fiber. And I have pectin, which I've chosen to take in capsule form
  
• Fruit throughout the morning, waiting at least 30 minutes between pieces, but no more than an hour, until lunch
• A digestive enzyme, which I've also chosen in capsule form
  

Afternoon-

• For lunch, a green salad, emphasis on green, so a variety of leafy vegetables, plus whatever vegetables I feel like that day, and homemade dressing if I choose, ideally made from organic oil, vinegar and herbs, plus digestive enzymes
  
• For a snack there's a variety of options, like celery and almond butter, more fruit, a smoothie, fresh vegetables, raw nuts, etc.
• Another cranberry juice/water combination, plus pectin, minus psyllium husks
  

Evening-

• For dinner, another large green salad, plus an entree, which could include soup, brown rice and beans, anything with legumes, or any "normal" food made with something like spelt instead of wheat or white flour. And digestive enzymes.
  

Additionally, throughout the day-

• 8-10 cups of pure water, 3 of which should have 8 drops of what's called "CellFood", a natural oxygen and nutritional supplement.
• A multi-vitamin
  
• Green-food supplement once a day. I got mine in a powder form, which can be added to the second glass of cranberry juice or made into a smoothie.
• 3 cups of kidney tea, which should have a variety of herbs, mainly dandelion root
• For week one, 2 organic apples

One of the most confusing things so far has been trying to figure out a schedule that allows me to eat meals, take supplements and drink everything that needs to be drunk, all while waiting the appropriate time for digestion before moving on to the next thing. For example, water should be drunk on an empty stomach, so I should wait at least a half an hour before eating and an hour after eating before drinking water so that it doesn't interfere with the absorption of nutrients. And fruit shouldn't be eaten with in 3 hours of grains. Tricky.

And things I shouldn't eat/drink are sweets, alcohol, caffeine, meat, dairy, gluten.

Really that's about it. And it's only 4 weeks, so it'll end just in time for Easter candy.

Eulogy for a love lost

Working at a coffee shop, I drink a lot of coffee. A lot. I love it, and never really felt like I took it for granted or anything. I've always appreciated the glorious sensation of an expertly made latte gliding down my throat like melted butter, or the new lease on life I get after that first delicious cup of French press in the morning. I knew giving it up would be hard, and my job would be torture. And it is. I forgot that withdrawal goes hand in hand with giving up an addiction. If I'm honest I guess I was in denial just a bit, and thought it wasn't actually an addiction, just a little treat I get multiple times a day, but coffee's kind of a drug, so naturally stopping the normal flow is messing with me physiologically. I'm Diana, and I'm a coffaholic. Up until about noon yesterday (day 1) I was fine, just a little sleepier than normal, but after that I had a pretty bad headache that lasted until sometime after I went to bed. And by 8 I was useless. Today I woke up to a long-lasting haze and a bloody nose (coincidence? maybe), and it only took 5 hours to start functioning at an almost-normal level. Admittedly I cheated a bit and had a few sips of coffee, all for educational purposes of course, and I know I'll cheat tomorrow for a coffee tasting at work. We got an Ethiopian sun-dried coffee that tastes like a fruit salad exploding in your mouth. It's just too good to pass up...

(Enter 4 hours)

...And crap! I just slept through half of Alice in Wonderland.

Detox Day 1

Today I started the 4 Week Ultimate Body Detox Plan, created by Michelle Schoffro Cook. I liked it because it wasn't a ridiculous fast that wouldn't let me eat more than grapefruits sprinkled with cayenne or drink only lemonade or anything like that. With my limited nutritional knowledge, it seems safe, even logical. There are a few restrictions that will prove tricky to avoid, like sugar, dairy, and worst of all coffee, which was almost a deal-breaker in itself. The program is broken up into 4 one-week sections, each focusing on a different area to be cleansed. Week 1 is kidneys and bowels. There's a list of supplements to take and different juices and herbal teas to imbibe, and after reading about what they all do, I'm afraid I'm going to have diarrhea all week, if not all month. This could get awkward.

A few years back I went on a long camping trip and we learned about being good environmental stewards in all things, including going to the bathroom. Whenever we had to go, we'd take the shovel and walk out into the woods, far away from water. But there were always those uncomfortable moments right after grabbing the shovel when we'd make eye contact with a fellow camper and immediately look away because they know where we were going and we knew they knew and there was no hiding it and yeah, there's nothing to be ashamed of because yeah, everyone does it, but it's still weird.

That's how I feel now.

But I guess in the interest of science and honesty, and since I started the blog specifically to talk about this experience, I'll be tastefully thorough as much as possible.

And with a symbolic aversion of my eyes, I'll leave it at that for the day.

The Beginning

Hello, welcome to my blog. Tasha, I mainly mean you.

It's surreal to be typing my very first blog entry by choice. Up until now, I've been pretty successful in dodging the technological communication wave that's taken over everything. I do email quite frequently, though mostly for work. And yes, I have a facebook account, but I only started so I could play Scrabbulous, which, incidently, isn't even available anymore. Now it's just collecting the dust and cobwebs that seem to accompany most of my good intentions. I've never had any desire to have my own website, blog or twitter account. It takes a lot of effort, writing. I've never really enjoyed it to be honest. And to intentionally write for an audience, to allow yourself to be a little raw and unfiltered, yet confident enough to believe that what you're saying is worthy to be read...that takes a boldness I don't have on a regular basis.

So why start? I have a few reasons, on which I may or may not elaborate at a later time. But the ultimate catalyst was the decision to do a detox program with a lovely friend named Jess. It's 4 weeks, starting tomorrow, March 4th. I guess I decided to write about it, first of all to hold me accountable, but also I felt like if I approached it as if I was writing an educational article then I'd be sure to take it seriously and not be worried about the cost involved, monetary or otherwise.

So with that having been said, wish me luck, I guess?