My metaphorical tail between my legs...

I'm writing this a little ashamed, but in an odd way honored. I knew from the beginning that keeping up with a blog would be hard, but I committed to it, at least in my head, and intended to write on a regular, if not daily, basis. It was only for a month, and I couldn't do it, which sheds a little light on why being strict with the detox wasn't a complete success either. I stopped writing over a week ago, partly because a) I didn't have much to say, b) I didn't want to take put the effort into saying what was there (ref. previous entry "The Wall", a phenomenon that continued for almost a week), and c) I didn't think anyone was reading anyway.

But I got called out on my laziness today, disproving point c, and giving me the warm fuzzy feeling inside that I get when someone does something nice like give me a compliment or share a non-smothering physical act of affection like a high-five, or in today's case, read my thoughts enough to know when my mind goes blank. Hey. Thanks for noticing.

Points a and b kind of went hand in hand. There wasn't much new and exciting with the detox and I didn't have the energy to research anything or try to fill space with something entertaining, though not necessarily relevant. I asked if I should keep going, and had to remind myself why I wanted to do it in the first place and figure out why I wasn't satisfied yet. I wanted to push my reset button; to find a little clarity and restore some balance and peace to my life. It was interesting because at this same time I got to the part of the book that talked about the importance of emotional detox, and listed different principles to think about, like respect yourself, surround yourself with supportive people and real life changes require shifts in attitude. I started pairing each principle with Bible verses, because even though there were good points, they felt misguided and somewhat empty. The whole thing tries to offer a hope that it frankly won't ever be able to deliver. This detox and I have certainly had our differences, but I think that's the one I'm having the greatest difficulty in overlooking.

But at any rate, though it was a rough and humbling week at times, I do feel emotionally detoxified now. And that's made this whole thing worth it.